crooked_fairytale

A blog about ramblings in my head

Time; It’s a Journey December 31, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — scorpiomamma @ 12:44 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Another year is about to close and a new one about to begin.  According to the stars it appears that the planets are aligning to make it a good one for many of us, but no matter what may or may not be written the New Year for many it is the opportunity to start fresh and write a new chapter or perhaps even a new book. The new year brings fresh hope, the chance for change, new opportunities and while I can’t predict when any of our dreams and hopes may materialise I do know that Time is part of the equation.

 TIME

noun

1.         the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.  “travel through space and time”

2.         a point of time as measured in hours and minutes past midnight or noon.

Time can be definable in precise measurements and yet what happens within those increments of time can be such a profound and individual experience for everyone.

This time last year I was barely aware of anything, I think for the first time ever I had no new year resolutions, my main aim was to keep waking up in the morning and get out of bed.

The house settled on 18th December and the boys and I had just moved into our rented townhouse around the corner.  Nothing in my life was the same anymore. My marriage was over and while it had been over for a while I guess the house was the last piece to the puzzle, I knew that chapter was finally closed.

The direction in which I thought I was heading was slammed shut and then the sudden and unexpected death of my father threw me into a downward spiral I never thought I’d come out of.

I had no sense of direction, no sense of self, no sense of anything. I felt lost and alone and even though in my father’s death I rediscovered my sisters our relationship was so new I wasn’t sure yet where I fitted, my grief wasn’t something I felt I could share.

It is said that time heals all wounds but I’m not sure that’s true, it heals some wounds but the scars remain. What it does gives you is perspective and that is what this year has been; a time of healing and understanding, it has been a time of acceptance and change and a time of trust and growth.  I have allowed myself the time to grieve, to feel, to express my thoughts and feelings and not make excuses for them and somehow in the process of letting go the emptiness and sadness I felt continues to replaced with exquisite sense of love and joy.

The past twelve months has been two definite halves, part one about loss and letting go and part two about hope and letting in.  On reflection this year has been about completion and fulfilment. Where there was once lack there is now abundance. I wanted to feel loved, respected and special and while I now realise this on my own I also have a man who shows me every day, I wanted to feel part of a family and now I have an abundance of family bringing with it new challenges but I am excited at the prospect of working through them.  My heart was depleted but now it is overflowing.

There are many times I question myself and my sanity and most likely I always will, perhaps I truly am a little crazy but hey that’s part of my genetics, its in my blood, its part of who I am  but I also know that there is so much more to me and these days I like myself 90% of the time so now I intend the work on the other 10%; it might just take a little time.

And so as 2013 draws to a close I wish you all a new year filled with love, joy and happiness, a fullness of belly and wallet and also of heart.  May you always feel loved, respected and special and may time always allow you the opportunity to heal, to grow and to see that you make a difference.

Wishing you all love and light

xx

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