A blog about ramblings in my head

In His Own Time May 10, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — scorpiomamma @ 11:40 am
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Yesterday Munchkin jumped off the deep end of the pool for the very first time and surfaced to loud cheering and clapping from his teachers and myself much to the bewilderment of several parents who stared at me as though maybe we had gone a touch overboard, after all their kids jumped off the edge all the time.  It was one of the proudest moments of my life because the journey to that moment had been massive.

The Munchkin has always done everything in his own time, like all kids I guess do but his time has generally been long after the other kids and lately he has started to notice that he is different and it worries him and he has started asking me why things take a long time and my heart just breaks for him because I don’t know what to say other than we just need to keep practising. Diagnosed as having Global Developmental Delays at 3, were weren’t really given much information other than letting me know I would be having long relationships with Speech Therapists, Occupational Therapists and the Pediatrician.  There doesn’t seem to be much to research and therefore, I am guessing, eventually they just catch up, least that’s what I’m assuming and naturally hoping.

As an Australian, I have always thought it necessary that Aussie kids can swim, I spent my entire childhood underneath the water, I love it and so does Zee and as our last house had a swimming pool Munchkin was initiated very early on.  He loved it, at least all the photos we have of him as a baby would suggest that, always laughing and giggling.  Our summers in that house were awesome and we were naturally very popular.

Munchkin loved the water and then all of a sudden it changed and he was terrified.  I couldn’t even bath him.  To this day I have no idea as to what triggered it off.  There were no near drowning incidences, he was always supervised by an adult, the older kids were always fantastic with him and never splashed or were too rough in the water, the bath temperature was always checked but there he was at a little over 12 months, frozen solid and screaming at the bath. For months I could only sponge him, and eventually we upgraded to a bucket, ironically he loved water and would always play in puddles or the wheelbarrow if it was full of water.  Eventually we got him back into the bath, generally with one of us in there with him and little bit by little bit he was okay, as long as the plug was NEVER pulled out.

A friend of mine had her son enrolled in swimming lessons and there was a spare spot so she asked if we would like to sign up,  I thought it was a great idea as both our sons were great friends and we could have a play and a catch up afterwards. He couldn’t wait to play with his friends and was excited about the pool and then … reality hit, He stopped, went stiff and started shivering and then came the screams.  We cuddled, we tried sitting on the edge, I put him in, he climbed out, they put him in, he climbed out.  Crying constantly and looking at me with such pleading eyes I was just about to call it quits when the manager Eloise whispered something in his ear and put him gently in the water and he stayed there for the rest of the lesson, still crying but it was at least a start. It was many months before he stopped crying but he stayed in the water and as long as he was held was happy.

I am so happy with Aquastyle Swim School and all the staff because they took the time to get to know us and understand him, they asked what we did at home and they brought in visual aids to help him see and understand what was coming up, they tailored the classes for him and eventually he had one on one training with Eloise, this was such a turning point for him, I don’t know if it was because she was older and more experienced, (the other girls while fantastic, are mostly all uni students) but Eloise was like an angel.  She made every exercise seem like a game and each time she pushed him a little bit further but never more than she knew he was capable of going.

By October last year he had graduated to putting his head underwater, and I was excited that our trip to Queensland could now finally mean I would be able to have time with both boys in the water.  Alas, while he was wonderful in the wading section of the pool he was still terrified of the deep end and try as we might we just could not get him to go into the deep end or even sit on the edge.

Another year started and we could all see him improvements, even though they were often tiny, he was so confident now in the water and to continue encouraging him he was rewarded with a certificate, but still no matter how may times they tried to entice him, he was not jumping off that edge. Last night they tried something different, they removed him from his class and took him to young but oh so good-looking male swimming instructor.  They removed his muscles (floaties) at his request and put a belt float around him.  The shivers started, the legs locked and I thought this was not going to happen and then they put a bench in the water and he stood on top of that. I could not hear what was said and although holding hands HE JUMPED!  HE DID IT, in fact he did it several times over and eventually jumped without hands, and then much to my surprise he graduated to the edge! My superstar, he was a legend and the best thing of all was he was more excited that his mummy watched him do it rather than the jump itself.

It has taken two years to get to this moment and he still can’t swim but he will one day, when he is ready and in his own time.


And they wonder why Im the crazy woman of Melbourne town April 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — scorpiomamma @ 4:02 pm
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It can often be challenging to find activities for both my boys to participate in given that there is 9 years and nine months between them so Mum came up with the brilliant idea of taking them both into the city via train and looking at some of the various places around town.  I was actually quite excited because this offered something for all of us, fun, culture and of course a day out together.  So here is how it went…

7.00 woke up by Munchkin as per usual with the desperate plea for “bikit or” chocwat egg”.  Not before breakfast says I, “I don’t want bweakfast” he says stamping his little feet.  “”Okay go hungry” as I make him some cereal and stumble back to bed eager to return to my book of which I was nearly finished.

8.00, wondering if today is the day to go into the city, am actually enjoying being lazy and finishing my book as Zee is still sleeping and the Munchkin is playing (hammering) ever so sweetly on the keyboard, (ie he is entertaining himself so always a bonus).

8.05 the phone rings, its Mum, yes we are going, yes its good to get out of the house.  Yes we know where we are going, sort of.

8.30 I am fed, clean and showered, the little one is half dressed and I am trying to get the big one out of bed.   I am met with groans and “Go aways!”

8.45  Oops better feed the animals

8.50  Still trying to get Teen out of bed, Munchkin is running around naked laughing at me madly running around after him trying to get dressed.

9.00 Zee finally stumbles out of bed and even though he knows that I want to be gone by 9.30 he has to do everything in a certain order (it’s an Aspie thing) and NEVER hurries.  Rush around madly trying to get snacks ready, coats, check Leappad for batteries, double-check timetables, doors locked, car packed, check face, no makeup oh well stuff it and I think we are ready. Zee finds out we are going to city by train.  Doesn’t want to go by train, hates trains, hates people.  Its going to be one of those days. 😦

9.30  Get in the car, no wait, Zee still has not got shoes on (always last thing).  “we have to go!!” I have timed everything so that we can get the 10.13 train from Epping.  Munchkin yells out.  “where we goin?

9.35  In the car, Zee has phone on Google maps and is giving directions, sweet, and we are off for our adventure. Munchkin yells out ‘we going train?

9.37.  Hit Plenty Road.  Traffic jam, road works.  Bugger!  I always forget to allow for the stupid road works, how long can a road take anyway? probably miss first train, oh well not important, it doesn’t matter really.”We there yet?

10.00 13 minutes of listening to Are we there yet? and its a long way,  we reach the train station.  Pleased we still could make 10.13 train. Very impressed with Zee and his navigational skills, cos the number of times I’ve been to the station are 2, number of times have caught train Zilch.  Find the tiny car park, no spots, ok still have time, just go around the corner.  Busy road, can’t get out, cars stop for traffic lights and of course no one thinks to stop to allow me to get out.  Arghh!  Sneakily push my way in.  ‘Go around block, Zee thinks there is another car park close by, tells me at last minute to turn corner, nearly get killed by oncoming car!  Stress levels peaking!  “Where is this car park?” Ï dunno” great!  go up and down road no car park, and street parking is either no standing or all taken.   Maybe I should just drive to the city or just give up the idea completely.

10.10 See empty car park close to station entrance, make possible illegal u-turn to car park to find it is a drop of point only, pull into spot to think and try to find car park in directory. Little lady asks me to move up as her car is sticking out 2 cm behind me and she wants to drop off her granddaughter WT??  Leave car park and drive down another street, still thinking of driving straight in only realise I haven’t a clue which direction I am now heading.  Zee tells me to turn around.  Good move.

10.15 Finally find car park in creepy side street, Zee wants to go home, I want to go home. The Munchkin has eaten my snacks not his, (am on low carb diet and eating high protein snacks so don’t go for sugary things when tired)  didn’t like my snack so he crumbled it into tiny little pieces all over himself, car and my handbag.  Water bottle was left open so bag is crumbly and wet.  Am mad.  Why didn’t you eat your own snacks?  “you mad?” yes I’m mad.  Munchkin cries, Zee gets mad wants to go home, I get mad although no longer sure at what really, Frustrated.  Terrific! am now looking like feral crazy woman in middle of creepy street, probably fit right in!

10.22 Make it to train station, worried my car might not be there when we return, will worry about it later.  Time to calm down, we made it all in once piece, doesn’t really matter what time we get home I suppose, although don’t really want to walk back to creepy street in the dark and especially to find my car stolen.

10.25.  Head for platform down steep stairs that Munchkin nearly throws himself off, thinking it might be fun, on reaching the bottom he spys pebbles on track just as train is approaching.  Manage to rescue child just in time.  Crisis averted.

10.31 Woohoo we made it,  Am having so much fun!! Zee sitting behind me not talking, not such a bad thing as he is reading Book 3 of the Hunger Games Trilogy and I am eager for him to finish.  Munchkin amuses people for several moments being cute and asking “Who you?” his version of what is your name and then proudly telling them his name and number.  Thankfully he doesn’t tell anyone where we live.  First stop minutes later is at Lalor and the first thing I notice is its HUGE car park, OMG!  Sigh, I really should work out where I live. Did I tell you I don’t normally do public transport?

Somewhere from here on Munchkin decides that he loves the feeling of being thrown around by the train and refuses to sit on his seat no matter how much I ask him to sit down and explain the possible dangers.  Wants to sit with his brother, met with a loud NO!!, wants to know why people aren’t talking to him, wants to know if we are there yet.  Spins around several times, sits on the floor, stands on the seat, tries to reach for the hanging bars over head.  Finally at least I keep him contained in our seating area and figure if he falls at least there shouldn’t be much damage to either one of us, hopefully.

11.00ish No longer care really, we arrive in the city.  Zee kindly offers to do the toilet run, Yay, nice Zee has returned.  Try to leave, tickets don’t work, not validated.  Thankfully gate-keeper lovely and validates then lets us through.  Make our way to Federation square, take a few photos, “Why are you taking photos?” cos I like to?  Tsk your always taking photos’, its stupid” sigh.  Realise we have walked past the tourist kiosk, and decide to visit ACMI the museum of moving images.

I could have had an excellent time in there if I wasn’t trying to stop the Munchkin from climbing on the exhibits or Zee yelling at him demanding he stop touching things. Both the boys have sensory issues and by now its fairly obvious they are in sensory overload.  As calmly as possible I try to explain that the Munchkin is actually allowed to touch things here and that I am capable of looking after him if he wants to go look at some stuff on his own.  We purposely brought the stroller as a containment device when things got to bad, he has already been placed in several times.  Finally we manage to have a good time I think, there is a great games area and both boys enjoy that and I make a mental note to come back on my own and take a good look around.  Its pretty cool.

12.45 ish am in the Tourist kiosk trying to find maps of city, city tram etc, Munchkin is touching everything again, Zee is yelling again, kind lady tells me about tourist bus that is probably easier and better as kids will have room.  I think she sees my pain.

1.ooish  No wonder everyone is ratty, its past feeding time.  Sit down at first cafe I find that has available seats and looks to be child friendly.  Turns out to be 5 star Cafe with no kids menu but is close to outdoor entertainment and kids seem to like the music.  Munchkin has 2 chips and declares he is full because he wants to go dancing, encourage more food eating and tell him he can dance next to the table, Zac scours from under jacket, his food he tells me looks grose but tastes really good.  Bonus.  Can we go home yet he says?  Seriously thinking about it, but no damn it we are going to have a good day and I want to take him to the Old Melbourne Gaol.  We finish meal and quickly throw chips into napkin and throw into handbag, Am not wasting chips they cost a million dollars.  Now seriously looking like crazy lady.

2.00 On the tourist bus, I manage to take a breather and work out where we need to get off, worked out it was stop 5 or at least that’s what the map calls it.  Several stops later and bus is really full, Munchkin suddenly in overload again, starts being silly, pulling my shirt down, (pet hate), kicking screaming, people staring.  Are we having fun yet?  Bus driver suddenly calls out Stop 5, but then calls out Chinatown, something doesn’t compute. Zee yells this is it, No wait I say.  Suddenly he has taken brother and they are off the bus, mad scramble with bags, and stroller and jacket is now dragging on the dirt and I’m pushing through the crowd to get to my children.  Worst possible case scenario – being separated from my children.  I stumble out of the bus, practically push small child into stroller, put soot covered jacket on and the hair that is not in ponytail is sticking up so now I look like crazy homeless person.

I spy a bench seat just up ahead a make a diagonal path straight for it.  A very attractive young man in a suit heads towards me, I realise he isn’t going to get out of my way, I don’t change course, I’m not sure why, possibly because I no longer care, I figure I’m 20 years his senior, I have a stupid stroller that no longer steers very well and because what sane person would not get out of the way of a crazy woman with steam coming out of her ears.  Man stops and demands why I walked in front of him, I yell out Because I wanted to sit down!!.  Sit there waiting in a mix of shame and horror, dont’ normally yell at innocent people, I probably ran over his foot.  Look around for men in white coats waiting to take me away.  Zee mumbles something again.  I crack.  ”I just wanted to do something fun, both of you stop whingeing!  People are staring, I can see the looks of pity towards the children for having such a crazy mother.  A man on the corner yells out something about Jesus is coming!  I want to go home.

I walk, I cry, I want to give up, I don’t think I am meant to be a Mother, it’s too hard, Why can’t it be easy?  I look for the DHS office, or the Funny Farm, I’m ready to hand myself in.  I stop, I have no clue where I am.  Zee asks for the map, I search for the map.  Forgot about wet handbag so found soggy chips have squished in with crumbs and so now I also stink like crazy lady.  I find map. Zee gets us to the Old Gaol. He is good at maps, he likes it, why wouldn’t he have just done that in the beginning.  Why can they not pick up on the signals, Why do I have to lose it for them to be calm.

The Old Melbourne Gaol is fascinating, creepy and claustrophobic but they both love it.  They run, I chose a quite cell and secretly work out ways to stay.  Its time to leave.  We have missed the bus but it’s not really that long a walk back to the train, the walk is good. I buy them both an ice cream as a treat.  I ask them what they thought of the day, its been pretty good” says Zee  “Yep” says Munchkin.  Cool, I’m ready for a drink, did they not notice any of the drama that surrounded the day, does ice cream fix everything, or is this level of stress so normal for them its good?

We make it way back to the creepy street. The car is still there (sorry creepy street residents).  On the way home Zee asks me if we can have a quiet day tomorrow.  You betcha. I’ve stayed in my pj’s all day, after all that’s what Crazy ladies wear these days.


Is this the path to enlightenment??? July 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — scorpiomamma @ 10:44 am
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Yesterday was the beginning of a new term.

Traditionally school mornings are stressful for me.  It takes several hours to wake Zee from his slumber and get him fed and organised to get out the door and since the Munchkin came on the scene it became even more stressful not only because I had another person to get ready but he whines often as he is can be very difficult to understand (dyspraxia) naturally creating a lot of frustration on both sides.  As the boys have gotten older the seem to annoy each other more so the mornings can be quite loud all this adding to my stress levels and by 9.00am I am generally exhausted.

I have been working on ways to de-stress and one of them is to be organised so in my attempt to start the new term off fresh I spent the night prior being a Domestic Diva and supremely organised.  I cleaned the kitchen, swept and mopped floors, sorted out the washing. I even tidied up the office, paid a few bills,  sent a few emails regarding this weeks meetings at school (I’m on 4 committees) and even managed to look at a few blogs and chat to a friend online.

I crawled into bed tired but very pleased with my efforts and happy that the day could start off with nothing to stress about but getting Zee out of bed.

What seemed like moments later Munchkin woke up crying about things I could not make out, somehow I made out the word Playschool (always recorded) so I staggered out and turned on the tv.  Wondering why Grumpy One who normally leaves the house by 6.30 was still snoring I looked at the clock and realised it was 4.30!  What!!  “It’s still night-time! Mummy’s need their sleep!”.  After making sure that he was fed and warm I tried to get a little more sleep when almost instantly I was being ordered to get up! “Come on its a school day you need to set a good example for the children?” WTF??

The morning continued with more mishaps, spilt milk, cut fingers, even Zee telling me that obviously I didn’t love him because I hadn’t woken him (had only been trying for almost two hours!!!) what is it with everyone today.  At some point I had surrended and acknowledged the morning would involve a drive to school.  Some days it just makes this easier plus I can go straight onto the supermarket.

My nice clean house was slowly becoming a dump.  Lego were strewn across the floor, my washing so neatly folded ready to be ironed was tipped out onto the dining table.  After informing Zee that his clothes were already hanging in his wardrobe he informed me that they no longer fitted and was looking for his bigger shirt!  What!!! could he not have told me at the end of last term!!! Sigh

At 8.40 the boys are shunted into the car and we are on our way.  By now I am generally feeling the stress effects taking place but I realised I was actually rather calm.  I had not raised my voice.  Not once!

The day continued as usual.  Did some shopping and watched Munchkin fill the trolley with everything he wanted but rather than getting stressed about it I just calmly put each item back as he went on to his next treasure. Once home I unpacked the groceries, made morning tea, picked up the squished apple explaining once again that food was not eaten on the carpet, played with the Lego even managed to get help putting some of it away.  Washed more dishes with my helper, got a bit done in the office and even managed to make a fabulous roast dinner.

As I was getting ready to go to my meeting I rang Grumpy One and made enquiries as to his whereabouts – he had completely forgotten!  great!  A slight feeling of annoyance arose but nothing beyond that even after asking  Zee to set the table 10 times.  I continued getting ready while contemplating my options, do I cancel or make the decision to leave Zee (14) in charge of Munchkin (4) for half an hour.  The phone rang and I was informed he was now approx 15 minutes away.  Sorted!

So it is day 2 and the house is more messy than it was yesterday! The boys didn’t do the dishes like I had asked, Grumpy One was pleased with himself for stacking!  There is mud in the house from work boots which are never to be worn inside, washing seems to have suddenly appeared in the laundry AGAIN! and beds have been left unmade and yet amazingly I am still feeling calm.

So either I have achieved Zen like qualities over the school holidays or being tired actually works for me and keeps me calm ( of course it could be that I am simply too tired to care).  Whatever the reason I am enjoying this new calmness to my day.  I need peace, I aspire to be like Martha Steward but alas I am not.  I live with 3 males, a dog and a cat.  The house is constantly messy, I have to vacuum a lot but I have been remembering that life is about choices.  I choose to live in a clean house but I choose my sanity more. I choose love and laughter over perfection and arguments and who knows perhaps as this new me evolves it might rub off on my family and they learn how to clean up!.

What are your mornings like?  Do you manage to be super calm and organised because I’m happy for any tips.


One piece at a time May 3, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — scorpiomamma @ 5:41 pm
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I have been trying to write another blog entry since Easter but haven’t as there is so much going on in my brain and so much rubbish to wade through that I don’t know where to start or for that matter how much I need to edit? I mean how much do I really want to reveal, how deep and truthful do I want to get? Do I want my friends to know how badly I am failing as a woman, wife and mother.

When asking for help on said blog, a friend told me to “pick one subject and write on that” but that’s easier said than done.  What do you do when every aspect of your life is spewed out on the floor as though a tidal wave had ravaged through your house leaving a wake of destruction.   Where do you start when the mess seems endless and the idea of starting seems so completing overwhelming?

And so to take my friend’s advice I being to write…..

30 minutes later and am basically staring at the same 3 paragraphs.  I have written and erased 20 more but one topic merges into another and then suddenly it doesn’t make sense.  Time to make a coffee and come start again.  H3 (4 yr old) has fallen asleep amazingly, so am using quiet time constructively to write my blog, am feeling pleased.

Right, lets begin.  Big Sigh, wriggle in chair. pull knickers out of bum.  Okay …..

After reviewing the events of the past few days its interesting to me how much they parallel my life.  For instance, I had always planned on marrying Prince Edward, I guess I could have aimed higher but Prince Charles was really an old fogie and just didn’t do it for me, Prince Andrew was okay but Prince Edward was much closer to me in age and lets face it was rather cute.  I was forever faithful and wrote to him often declaring my love and patiently waited for his in return but alas, as my letters went unanswered, I moved on.  Hugh Grant did have my affections for a while but then there was the “incident” and my parents would never have allowed it.   I did eventually marry an Englishman and while he isn’t of Royal decent he is a plumber so you could say I finally have my connection to the Throne.

H2 (14 yr old) has arrived home and is actually talking to me, obviously a good day at school today….  “Hey mum guess what my english homework is?” ‘”Don’t know what?” “Reading haha” .

 H1 (plumber) arrives shortly after,  Oh God, I’m on a roll and now they want to interact!!  it’s a conspiracy they never speak to me. Please leave am being creative.  Okay where was I….

I guess trying to suggest that my life is at all connected to a Terrorist is a bit much and probably dangerous at this point in time but I did tell you my mind was a mess and as I can barely verbalize a complete sentence am sure I’m safe.  I am not a fan of war and violence although my family think I am a terrorist or is that terrorize??  I have to confess that once a month (although they say it’s always), some weird force does take over my body and I cannot be held accountable for my actions.  To be fair I try to warn them off, “My boobs are going to explode, do not come near me or reap the consequences”  or “Am feeling like a time bomb today please tread gently” do they listen?? NO!! and yet somehow I am a crazy person who needs to be locked up,  perhaps to a child the sight of their mother frothing at the mouth and steam billowing out her nostrils is a bit intimidating but I really do try to warn them.  You would have thought that after 15 years H1 would know how to defuse me especially as I kindly gave him a blueprint with very clear and precise instruction but he lost it.

I just hope that when the children are older they still have some compassion and don’t come after with me missiles.

The heating is coming on and I can hear the pipes expanding, it sounds like mice, we had a plague of them just recently.  It was disgusting.  I could have literally packed up and moved just to get away from them.  I am really not sure what is worse; finding decapitated bodies on the floor (thank God I was looking where my feet were going), or pulling or should I say tearing the couch literally apart trying to find where the stench was coming from only to discover a mouse way past its use by date lying not so peacefully on the floor.  Or the time I opened the laundry door and grabbed the doggie treat bag only to have a mouse attack me and gnaw my eyes out, okay that part isn’t true but the doggie bag part is and I did nearly die on the spot when the biscuit I was getting felt warm and soft.

Its 5.00 and therefore I should be thinking about food as it will soon be time to leave for Karate.  H1 and H2 have been doing Karate for years and I have been thinking about joining for a while but am 1. terribly unfit and 2. H3 needs a lot of looking after so a good excuse but tonight is parent/student evening so it really does seem like the perfect opportunity.

Can you see how my mind is working?  it is actually poignant that I finally write my blog today as it may possibly be my last. Sensei is one tough cookie – not Tiffany but if you know TBL you will get the point.

Random and not so random thoughts still race through my brain and in all serious I know it will take some time to sort through them all and work out how I’m feeling and what to do next but I have, at least I think I have, come to a realisation. It doesn’t matter what event has taken place, whether it’s a wedding, funeral or natural disaster the end result is always the same.

As we stare at the aftermath wondering where to begin there really is only one thing to do first to regain some order. Sort through the mess and clean it up once piece at a time.